Friday, April 19, 2019

Live Love!

A year ago, my life was very different. It was heading a certain direction. I thought I knew what that direction was, and I had a plan. I was about to turn 40 and I had been working deeply on myself the previous 4 years and planned on writing about my experiences with meditation and working to overcome trauma and addictions in the ongoing quest for inner peace.

Everything changed a year ago.

Everything.

April 20th, 2018, I was hit with news that shattered me to the very depth of my being.  I am not going to talk about that news: why it hit me so hard, and what had happened just before it, or what happened after. I probably won't talk about it publicly again for a long time, if ever. Especially not without cooperation and communication with others involved. But it impacted me in a way that it will inform my entire life experiences moving forward. For better or worse. Hopefully for much better in the long run.

I did write more in depth about what I was going through personally the few years leading up to it, and maybe I'll share that someday too.

This past year has been the most difficult year of my life. I didn't sleep for more than 2 hours a night for almost 6 months after April 20th, 2018. And then I took 5 months off work to get rest and recover and.... grieve the loss of someone with whom I shared a deep connection, someone so special, who effected me profoundly.

Being rested and not having to rely on adrenaline and cortisol to function is not just ideal, it's crucial to real, lasting happiness and health. Balance between rest and activity is key for most things in nature, including human existence.
 
The first night that I slept more than 2 hours last May, I was so deliriously relieved that I made the following incredibly silly video using all of the gifts people had given me for my birthday.

When I made this, it wasn't to share. I was just making it to send my friend in messenger so I was shooting vertically. 

And now.... to bed I go, to get some deep rest. 


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